GEORGE: Yeah.. He'll have my parents!
(Scene ends)
[Setting: Rava and Ray's apartment]
(Ray's home alone. There's a knock at the door)
KRAMER: Police! Open up!
RAY: Police? (Opens the door a crack - Kramer barges in like a cop. He's wearing Jerry's grandfather's suit and hat. He forces Ray against the wall - face first)
KRAMER: Freeze, mother!
RAY: Hey..
(Kramer shoves him roughly against the wall)
KRAMER: Shut up. Spread 'em. I said spread 'em! (Looks around) You're in big trouble son. Burglary, grand larceny, possession of stolen goods.. and uh, uh..
murder.
RAY: Murder?!
(Kramer shoves him against the wall)
KRAMER: Shut up! Keep 'em spread! Just make love to that wall, pervert!
RAY: I think you have me confused with somebody else.
KRAMER: (Afraid he's got the wrong guy) Is your name Ray?
RAY: Yeah.
KRAMER: (Assured) Yeah, you're the punk I'm looking for. (Grabs the statue from the mantle, and puts it in his bag)
RAY: Hey, hey, are you a cop?
KRAMER: Yeah, I'm a cop. I'm a good cop. I'm a damn good cop! Today's your lucky day, junior, 'cause I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Any more of this
criminal activity, and you'll be sorry. You got me?
RAY: Got you? I don't even know what the hell you're talking about.
KRAMER: Good. Good. Let's keep it that way. (Exits)
(Scene ends)
[Setting: Jerry's apartment]
(Kramer guides Jerry, Elaine, and George into the apartment)
JERRY: Alright, alright. What's the big hubbub, bub?
(Kramer runs to his apartment, then returns with a duffel bag. He places it on the table, and reveals the statue)
GEORGE: Kramer, I can't believe it. Oh, you're my hero!
KRAMER: Yeah.
JERRY: Kramer, what did you do?
KRAMER: Well, let's put it this way: I didn't take him to People's Court.
GEORGE: I feel like a huge weight's been lifted off my shoulders. (Giddily) I.. I.. I feel happy! Kramer, I don't know how to thank you!
KRAMER: Well, I'll think of something.. (Slaps George on the back - sending the statue crashing to the ground)
(Scene ends)
[Setting: Night club]
JERRY: People are going to steal from you. You can't stop them. But, everybody has their own little personal security things - things that they think will foil the
crooks, you know? In your own mind, right? ..You go to the beach, go in the water, put your wallet in the sneaker. Who's gonna know? What criminal mind could
penetrate this fortress of security? I tied a bow. They can't get through that. I put the wallet down by the toe of the sneaker. They never look there. They check the
heel, they move on.
END OF SHOW.